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An opening that needs to be built upon...I could barely see her through the veil of fog before me. Reluctantly, I venture forward my eyes straining to focus, my arms reaching and fingers scraping the air ahead for something solid to grasp. With each empty clasp, I step delicately toe heel, toe heel, careful not to disturb the earth beneath me. Silently, barely breathing, I inch my way further into the cloak of haze surrounding me. With each step I hope for a glimpse or light or shadow or a shape that hints that there is an end to my blindness. Each step only seems to bring me further into grey as her silhouette fades away. I question what I saw. Perhaps I was seeing what I wanted to see rather than reality. Eyes and minds can play devilish tricks in weather like this.
Without the hope of reaching her, I pause and contemplate how I should proceed. I could turn and retrace my footsteps but where they would lead is just as unknown as the path I am now etching. So I continue cutting through the dense mist peering as far into the distance as my burning eyes are able. I begin to feel a heaviness within that grows more ominous the further I get. Gradually, a shadow forms at the edge of my scope of vision. How far away it is seems impossible to tell. It could be kilometers or mere meters from where I stand. My fingers graze a branch and instantly latch on. With all my might, I pull myself toward the branch. The tree supporting me is gnarled with thick contorted limbs hovering the ground as though trapping the air within. I fight my way through the labyrinth of branches tearing at my pants and jacket and pulling out my hair. Panic swells and I begin to flail frantically. I feel fingertips, then a hand clasped in mine. Someone is pulling me toward them but I see nothing. I feel heavy breathes against my ear and a warmth I have longed for it seems an eternity. I collapse with relief at my rescue. Grey fades to black and then peaceful nothingness. I feel heat and hear the faint crackling of a fire as if in a dream. The warm amber glow of a fireplace fades into view. The hearth is thick and rugged but bare. I am lying on a sofa that is so soft that it feels as though I have sunk deep inside it and cannot come out. A thick and heavy blanket weighs on my chest. The room is lit only by the fire before me. Other than the sofa I rest on, there is only one other chair. It is a worn and weathered rocking chair. The only sounds I hear are the crackling and billowing of the hearth and my own breathe and heart. My pulse speeds as I struggle to remember how I arrived at this cabin and who brought me here and come up with nothing. I have to get out of here. Wherever here is. It takes every ounce of strength I have to pull my aching body from the pillow like sofa and pry off the blanket that is holding me down. Swaying but standing, I search the one room cabin for a door or window; anything that I can get through and escape. Escape? Why do I think I am imprisoned when not a soul is with me? I calm a little. Glancing around the room I see a great wooden door. It is larger than life and I am Alice reaching for the knob and pulling with all my might. Creaking and grinding the door opens. Deep dark woods thick with gnarled trees and towering pines lie beyond as far as I can see. The fog appears to have lifted and slits of sun rays force their way to the forest floor here and there between branches and trunks. It is day but there is barely enough light to see mere steps ahead. I want to sprint but am forced to tread lightly for fear of colliding with an old growth tree or something or someone. As I walk the snapping of branches echo all around and I am unable to discern if they were caused by me or something else. Frozen, I listen intently. Nothing. I continue along my path but have no idea where it will lead because I do not know where I have left. Disoriented and confused, I slump down to the ground. Self-pity consumes me for what seems like hours but time has no meaning now. I am jerked out of my woeful mourning by the rhythmic snapping of twigs and crunching of leaves that is getting louder with each wave. Disoriented I circle repeatedly and robotic searching for a direction to run. I cannot identify the direction of the sounds so I head in the first direction that comes in to focus - left. I race madly through the brush and draping branches not thinking of anything but getting away. My racing pulse and heavy breathing render me unable to hear anything else. I must stop...stop and listen for a moment.... I need to calm down so I may hear outside myself. Night forest sounds are all that I hear. An owl hoots above me as small animals scurry over leaves and brush below. A cacophony of chirping echoes and reverberates through the night air. I am lulled into a false sense of security. I continue navigating the forest at a more relaxed and natural pace. The sound of a babbling brook gradually dominates until the symphony all around fades to the background. Water. If I can reach the water perhaps I can follow it out of these smothering woods to safety. I just have to find it.... |
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